Written in RED

My 2023 was mostly good, more transformative than anything, but if there’s one thing I learnt last year is that the Devil knows me, like really knows me, far more than I would like in fact and if like me there’s times when you feel deeply frustrated, tired, and finding yourself doubting the goodness of God then it’s likely that he knows you very well too. Well enough to show you that your idea of the perfect man does in fact exist; he’s tall, handsome, well dressed, a natural protector, a generous provider and then you see him proposing to a woman on your instagram feed who in your personal opinion, of which you’d never reveal, you don’t think is as attractive as you. The devil knows you well enough to have you stumble across your dream job. The one with the incredible salary with the job description that is mostly made up of tasks you could do in your sleep with only a small portion of challenge that luckily you find intriguing, the job you know you’d be amazing at however, they just sent you an email saying your application has been unsuccessful.

In this sea of no’s, sorry’s and disappointments, it makes sense to question the one who is ‘supposed’ to love and care for you to ask why. What have you done wrong? Why is it never you? God do you even care? 

I’ve been there, hard. And it’s sad to say that I stayed in that place for so long I used to become so bitter whenever there was anything good happening for others. It used to fuel my anger as if to say,

“THIS is why I can’t trust you God, look at what others have and I have nothing. These people you’re blessing don’t even believe in you, how is that fair? I’m only human, of course I would react like this and if you know me so well you should have predicted this and written my story another way”

It’s comical to read back on my own psyche but when I was in it, trust me when I say, I felt this with my whole chest. 

It’s only getting to know God more that I have learnt, whilst my feelings can become entangled and complicated, God is at his core not that complicated at all. Now I by no means claim to understand the intricacies of the bible or God’s way of thinking or why certain things have to happen. But what I do know is that Good things come from God, bad things come from the devil. This clearcut way of thinking has totally revolutionized my understanding about what is happening in these moments of frustration which means I can protect my energy over things that were never meant for me in the first place. 

It’s like this, imagine God told you that you would be moving into your own house 7 years from now (if a house is what you want, I’m praying for you sis). If you’re anything like me you may ask, why is it gonna take so long and is there anything you can do to help speed up the process.  But if he said, this house he is preparing for you is your dream home but someone needs to move in first, someone with more disposable income who is going to do a complete renovation in order for it to come to you in the best condition and at the most reduced rate, far lower than anyone has ever seen amidst this housing crisis. You’d be chillllinngggggg. News alerts of how the housing crisis is getting out of hand, social media posts of people moving in their own homes and redditors saying you need a minimum of £142,000 for a downpayment would not phase you because you know your situation is set. But life is not like that and we don’t know when things are going to happen for us and so with every insta post of someone sitting on their countertop in a stark white kitchen dangling their keys with the caption of the house emoji followed by the key emoji, you think this was supposed to be YOUR house, YOUR opportunity that has been given to someone else. Now girl I say this with love, these were never your things! Stop crying over situations that never had your name on them in the first place.

Believing in God, trusting him and having faith, is moving like your situation is already set

You see, God knows the deepest desires of our hearts, we’ve been told over and over again that of course he knows and wants these things for us because he was the one who placed them there in the first place. However, what is not closely followed is that the devil also knows knows the things we want for ourselves. Unlike God, the devil does not know us as deeply First Kings 8:39 says that God alone knows every human heart. There is no one else who has that ability. God knows what we will say before we can say it, while the thought is still formulating. 

Reassuring? Yes, but the devil is still watching. If Netflix can track what shows you enjoy the most to recommend more of the same so that your watchtime slowly increases over time, don’t you think the devil can follow you in real time to see the things you react to and work out the things you want and flood you with examples of how everyone but you seems to have that very thing?

Girl, keep watch and stay vigilant

He knows what makes you angry, what pisses you off and what will have you doubting God’s promises. He has the ability to manipulate and perverse our surroundings to make sure that the things we want become idolatrized, and hold so much power over us that when we don’t get them we turn our anger and frustration to God when in fact God’s timeline works very differently.

I myself am learning that it’s okay to have questions and sometimes be sad when I don’t get the answers I want. I may always be the type of person to glance at my peers and then over to my watch to check if we’re keeping in time but gone are the days where I sit down to watch another person’s journey instead of focusing on running my own path. The devil will continue to watch me but God is supporting me so I actually can’t fail.

– RED